What to do, where to go, who to turn to, when all-destroying loss makes you a stranger to yourself? From the London club scene to the dark heart of a New Mexican cult, this stunning memoir takes you deep inside the weirdness and recklessness of grief. Growing up in the prosperous English suburbs of the 1980s, Kelly has a happy life within a seemingly perfect family. When the shocking fallout from her father's secret past ends the world she knew, the pain drives her underground into a numbing circuit of sex, drugs, and dance music. Adrift and alone, she meets a man named John Twobirds - shaman, teacher, medicine man and cult leader. He can bring her back to life, he says, if she'll join his tribe in the desert, and become his fourteenth wife ...An astonishing true story set against the backdrop of the AIDS pandemic and the hedonism of the ecstasy era, Kelly Alder's debut is also a timeless chronicle of one woman's search for belonging.